Do I Exist to Him

I don’t think he’s ever even looked at my family pictures I have hanging on the wall in my room. And I’m pretty sure he doesn’t have any on his cell phone of my son or me. I have dedicated folders on my cell phone of him and his kids because I have so many from over the past seven years. I know all their birthdays and his and he admitted he doesn’t even know mine. Even his extended family, I know all their names and their background. When I asked him he can’t even remember a cousin I talk to almost daily. Yet he can remember every detail of any athletes sports career. How am I supposed to feel about that. Exactly…………….it hurts, because if he can’t even bother to learn these simple things, how am I supposed to think he really wants to be a part of me. I’d get it if he had a bad memory but he don’t and I’ve given him grace and understanding on this for so long, that at this point it’s on me for not expecting someone to treat me better.

Crazy part is I don’t even know how I got here, in this situation. I’ve always been a woman who knew her worth. Not in a boastful or conceded way. Just in a human way, as we all have an immense amount of worth for existing in this realm. This has crept in so quietly in between climbing the career ladder and spending what little time left with my son and him, after being exhausted from work. Was I on auto pilot? Going through the motions and waking up for certain moments. That could mean he is also on auto pilot and only waking up for moments that are only important to him. So I defiantly can be sympathetic to some of it. But I deserve to have my needs met just as his do. Now the question remains, do I address it in hopes we can fix this issue or allow it to continue and keep feeling like I don’t exist to him?